More Than An Angel
by MTHerondales7
Summary: No. No. No. This can't be happening. Especially not now. Especially not to me. The numb, shaking hands I could barely identify as my own held the pregnancy test. Life was finally on its way to a healed perfection, but one slip up could mean the destruction of it all. As Clary's life begins to unravel, she will realize what she still has and what she never did.
1. Chapter 1

**Clary POV:**

No. No. No. This can't be happening. Especially not now. Especially not to me.

My whole world seemed to be in the process of utter destruction as I slumped against the chilled surface of the bathtub. My legs were sprawled out hopelessly on the tiled floor. The cool temperature of the bathroom seemed like the only thing binding me to my shattering reality. The numb, shaking hands I could barely identify as my own held the pregnancy test… Which my mind yearned to have morphed into a gun to end the disaster put upon my shoulders. It seemed like such a simple solution to a situation that undoubtedly will end as a disaster.

I threw my head back against the ledge of the bath behind me as I willed my fingers to peel from the tiny stick that ruined my imagined future. The test slipped into my lap and I let myself let out a sigh of exasperation, a passage of air that in this moment I desperately wanted to cut off. With a sudden flourish, I stood, ripping the object away from my body and sailing it into the trashcan with a renewed energy. The tests were known to be incorrect, right? However, I came down from my high only a few minutes later when the second test portrayed the same result, promising the same future, the same intimidating promise.

I buried my face in my hands, my elbows supporting the wait of my feeble body as I leaned over the sink counter. I released the watery gasp that was trapped in my throat and willed for the tears not to make an appearance. Particularly due to the fact I was set to hunt with the others in a couple minutes. I needed time to think, to plan. I needed to figure out how I was possibly going to break the news to Jace. Gosh, we weren't even planning… we hadn't even talked about a family but as far as I know, we both wanted to wait…

"Clary?" A soft knock on the locked door demolished the eerie silence, "Clary, are you ready to roll?" A familiar young, feminine voice called through the barrier.

I quickly rubbed the leakage from my watery eyes and the wetness pooling under my nose. "Yeah, I'll be out there in a second," I croaked in reply. I schooled my features, hoping to grasp some semblance of rationality before I had to leave the newfound safety of the bathroom. I locked my secret away, willing my eyes to shelter it and my lips to lock it. Time… I needed time before I could reveal my little treasure, however cursed it was.

I was immediately assaulted by Izzy, her armed forcibly linked with mine. All I wanted was space… And time, but obviously none of that would be given to me.

She dragged me across the Institute and out to the front door where everyone was waiting. My parabatai quickly came to my other side, swinging his arm around my shoulder so that I became a Clary sandwich. Across from me stood Jace. He smirked, inquiring, "Well Clary, good to know you're safe and sound and haven't fallen into the toilet. We were all wondering if you had. You might just be small enough to be flushed down too."

"Ha ha ha," I reply meekly. His face shifts slightly and I know immediately that he is on to me. He steps forward as Simon and Isabelle release me from my hold. He leans down and gives me a gentle kiss. He softly pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me until we hold each other in a tight embrace. He doesn't pester or ask questions, just holds me there.

I allow my eyes to flutter closed, taking in the warmth and breathing in the soothing metallic smell unique to Jace as I smothered my face into his chest. I willed myself to let this peace and feeling of safety to drown all of the daggers of thought stabbing my failing mind.

Alec cleared his throat from behind us. Jace pulled away, giving me a thoughtful glance before joining his brother, a look that displayed that we would have to talk after our demon hunting enterprise. We all scramble into the black van that carried an assortment of weapons, almost looking like a small armory. I adjusted the 9 in. knife strapped to my arm and double-checked the seraph blade at my waist. A new feeling settled over me. Not the adrenaline pumping excitement I usually got when we were preparing to hunt but an almost overwhelming sense of conservation, of anxiety. It was like self-preservation but only for that of another person's safety, a person directly linked to me. It was a feeling that made me want to reach for ten more seraph blades and a full set of battle armor. Or just not hunt entirely…

I squeeze to sit in between Jace and Simon, interlacing my fingers with Jace's and resting my head on his shoulder. He placed his lips on the top of my head, but they were gone as soon as they came and his face returned to its stony glower as he starred out the window. I sighed and nuzzled his shoulder, letting my eyes slowly close. My head felt fuzzy and my movements dizzying, like all my energy was being sucked out of me.

"Tired?" Simon nudges me, offering to draw an energizing rune on my arm. I nod gratefully, wishing I could have a thousand of them. He carefully drew the rune, his eyebrows scrunching from behind his glasses and I felt a sudden surge of love for my best friend. No matter what happened, he would always have my back. After the energizing rune, he continued to draw others. We switched off and I returned the favor. By the time I was finished, we had arrived at our first stop.

We stepped out of the van quickly, all shuffling into position like we had done a million times before. Alec pulled out his demon tracker; setting out in front of the group with Jace right on his heel. We made our way into the seemingly deserted coffee shop. When no one appeared, we split into groups, Simon and I walking across the room and into the back, Izzy, Jace and Alec all searching the front. As we made our way into the dim room, Simon nocked one of his arrows. I walked towards the near wall, searching for any clues to why we were called down here. I kept my face carefully hidden, portraying all of the hidden emotions I kept locked away. I felt as though they were all about to burst out and I would scream. However, I only let a silent sob escape me as I examined the rows and rows of coffee beans.

Whether it be intuition or our parabatai connection, Simon seemed to detect my distress, making his way to my side. He whispered softly, "Are you okay?"

I turn away even more so he could not see my betraying face. "Yeah, perfect, wonderful, extraordinary," I reply bitterly. I walk swiftly to the other side of the room.

"Clary," he screams.

I swivel around as a human sized demon launches itself at me, knocking me to the ground. Using it's momentum, I am able to twist us around so that I laid atop of it. With a fluid movement, I brought my dagger from it s sheath and into the demons neck with a ferocious growl. From the stabbing point, a black liquid begins to gurgle, pouring out of the demon like he was deflating until he was gone. I quickly jump to my feet, wiping the dagger off on my black garment.

He looks at me with a face of shock. I cock my head to the side but before I can inquire further, another demon came from my right and from behind Simon. Returning the warning, I shout, "Behind you!" before I turn to my right, swiftly lobbing the dagger with pinpoint accuracy into the beast's head. Quickly I slide, scooping up the dagger and firing at the next one. I survey my surroundings with my peripheral vision. The whole group was in the small room now, each hacking away at demon after demon. They never seemed to stop coming.

I brought out my seraph blade, swinging and slicing. Faster then I ever had before. It seemed that all the energy that once felt lost was coming back in one large wave. That feeling of self preservation mixed with the natural skill of someone born to fight created an almost invincible force inside me. I was not going to get hurt and the little monster growing inside me certainly wasn't either. Time was fluid and before I knew it, all of the grotesque demons were gone.

The adrenaline flooded from my body and I was left with cold icy fear stabbing at my heart. Fear for the overwhelming love I was already beginning to feel for the human growing inside of me.

I felt myself begin to shake, my breathing becoming uneven. My mind was on overdrive, everything that had happened weighing down my thoughts and ability to function correctly. My vision went blurry and I felt myself sway. Sensing that my knees were about to give in, Simon swooped to catch me as I collapsed.

I was lowered to the ground gently. All I was aware of was the stinging in my lungs, the frightened feeling of not having enough air. I focused on my breathing, quick, sharp breaths that seemed to do nothing for my hazed body.

"She's hyperventilating," the voice sounded as if it was underwater. Everything was muffled and blocked out except the current of air quickly passing in and out of my slack mouth, never enough to fill my begging lungs. Nothing else was important in this moment.

Because I. Could. Not. Breathe.

"… Anxiety attack…" everything sounded as a soft murmur, nothing like the chaos engulfing me. I pressed my head farther back into the dusty wooded floor, letting my eyes shut to block my dizzying, blurred vision.

Moments later I became aware of the cold night wind prickling against my exposed skin with the contrasting warmth of the body I was pressed against. I let myself peek just enough to catch a glimpse of golden air and a starry sky above me, and an opened van door ahead.

My breathing remained ragged as Jace slid into the back seat with my limp body in his arms. Simon followed seconds later, slamming the van door shut behind him. Alec and Izzy already took their place in the front, the older Lightwood starting up the car and speeding off.

Jace laid me down, with Simon's assistance, and pulled my head into his lap. He caressed my rosy cheeks with his tough, calloused hands, occasionally stroking my hair back, willing me to calm down and for my breathing to steady. Slowly, I began to become placid. Piece by piece I stitched myself together. My blurry mind beginning to crystalize. I was being dramatic, I told myself. Now they all were going to wonder, but I wasn't ready to answer their suspicions. I couldn't stop it though. It's like a raging tsunami of emotions decided to crash down on me, the water of desperation drowning me and the weight of angst pulling me under.

I couldn't face them, not yet, so I turned and buried my face into Jace's chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jace POV:**

Clary was scaring me. My fingers remained tangled in her fiery hair as she curled into my chest. Her breathing had steadied, but the same could not be said for my worry. Small, delicate hands were clutching the front of my shirt as if they were to let go, I would disappear.

I held her close and whispered softly in her ear, hoping to release the raging panic she had held in her eyes when they were open. I was able to see that panic as soon as she had walked out of the bathroom. It wasn't evident upon her face so that only those who truly knew her were able to pick up on it. It's as though she was doing her best to bury it deeply into herself. It only became more evident as she seemed to become more and more lifeless, not at all the energetic little sprite I knew her to be. The only flare of life I saw was when she was fighting. It was as though she was fighting for the world, for everything she knows. She fought with a furious vengeance, almost as though the demons were about to take something very precious from her. I felt a surge of pride for the way she fought, the way I taught her to fight, her skill and precision taking my breath away. She had come so far from the scared girl I once knew.

When she fell, and with her my world fell as well. Simon got to her first, my shock was my only obstacle. That mad dash to the van, with her body thumping against mine in the rhythm of my heart, was frightening. Listening to her alarmed breaths was its own kind of hell.

I held her closer to me, allowing my hands to wander down her back in a soothing manner. I looked to the font of the van, where I caught Alec's nervous glance through the rear view mirror, but the eye contact only lasted a couple of seconds before he turned his focus back on the road. Her anxiety attack made me feel as though I was about to have my own but I kept it in, not allowing it to show because it would only frighten her more. It was a struggle to see her this way. Everything had been so perfect for so long but it somehow felt like the whole world was changing, crumbling through my fingers. She wouldn't be acting like this if something wasn't very, very wrong.

As soon as we were back at The Institute, I transported her straight to the infirmary. Everyone was right on my heal as I laid her on the cot. Magnus had appeared along with everyone, for Alec had contacted him when the attack first struck, and quickly took charge. Ordering everyone out of the room. I protest, not wanting to let go of Clary's hand.

"So help me Jace, get out or I will make sure you find ducks in the worst of places."

I let out a frustrated growl and began to let go. She quickly latched on to my hand, refusing to let go. I looked down to see her wide eyes and she gazed up at me.

The look painted across her face was quickly pulling pieces from my heart.

I knelt down to plant a kiss on her forehead before slipping my fingers from hers. I got up, and after scowling at the warlock, strode swiftly from the room.

Alec was waiting for me right outside the door. I tried to act like I didn't notice and continue to stroll on my merry way but Alec is too stubborn for that crap. His hand quickly latched onto my inner elbow, pulling me to him. I let my eyes wander everywhere but his face because I'm definitely not ready to confront the reality of what just happened.

"Look Jace," he tried, but I cut him off.

"No, you look. I really don't want to deal with this right now. So do me a favor and leave me alone, and while you're at it get your boyfriend to revise his imaginary medical rule book because this nineteenth century 'everyone out' bullshit of his needs to be cut out."

"Hey! Magnus knows what's best for her! And for that matter, stop pulling this 'hostile' bullshit, all Magnus is doing is helping her! Get over yourself Jace, I know your scared for her but at this point there is nothing you can do!"

I was shocked. Alec didn't raise his voice often and especially not at me. I stared at him with a bewildered expression before I transformed myself into a blank slate.

"Well Alec, look who found his voice. Maybe you should try out for a screamo band or something and put those words to good use," I snapped back sarcastically.

His face widened in shocked before his mouth snapped. With an adamant expression, he turned to walk the other way. Immediately I felt guilty. Against my more stubborn side, I turned to follow him, grabbing his shoulder.

"Look… I'm… well, I'm…" I stutter and silently curse at myself. I had never been bad with word but the one word I needed seemed to be stuck under my heavy ego.

"What," he bit back, "you're what? Jace."

I bit down on my check before I blurted out, "Sorry! Okay, I'm sorry."

He seemed to be satisfied.

"Meet me in the greenhouse in an hour. No questions," he said before he stalked off, leaving me more ruined than before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Clary POV:**

I didn't want Jace to leave but at the same time, seeing the door close behind him, a sense of relief flooded through me. Having to look into his face while I was holding such a big secret haunted my heart. It was as though every time his eyes caught mine, he seemed to pick me apart and I swear, there were so many times when I thought he might guess, he might know. Then he looks away and I chide myself for feeling so guilty. I wasn't particularly lying, just hiding something. I was going to tell him eventually, I just needed to get my own thoughts together first.

I shift so that I am staring up at Magnus. He has his arms spread above me and his eyes closed. I can see blue wisps of magic sparkling from his hands. Suddenly his eyes snap open and he's staring at me quickly. Abruptly I sit up, knocking Magnus's hands away.

"You know, I'm feeling much better now! Much, much better. Healthy as a horse so I think I'm going to go now," I'm already on my feet and halfway to the door. Suddenly I come to a halt, not from my own doing but because I cannot physically move any farther.

"Clary," he calls. I turn around slowly, refusing to look into his eyes.

"Yes?" I call back.

"You shouldn't go anywhere," He chides with a smirk.

"Well I don't have much choice in that do I?" I reply sarcastically, however playful, there is still a bite to my voice. My eyes follow him as he sits down on one of the infirmary beds, that sly look of his never faltering as he stretched out like a feline and made himself comfortable. Oh how I yearn to knock off that glitter and aggravating grin with my fist in this moment.

"I think we need to have a talk little Fray. Hm?" Magnus pats the sheets besides him, inviting (or in this case _forcing_ ) me to take a seat next to him. I roll my eyes before I move to satisfy his unsaid instructions.

I sank into the mattress, giving him a pointed look, a smirk still dancing on his lips. "What do you want? I'm not dying of demon pox, am I?" I query sarcastically, hoping that he couldn't see through me.

"Not so much as demon pox," he chuckles, "but I think there's a little demon somewhere else." He moves his hand to my stomach, but I bat it away before it gets too close to my blood stained shirt.

No one is touching my little demon.

"Yeah you're right, that chili I ate this morning might just have been a little demonic. I'm afraid I didn't check who made it. A poor choice really, considering Izzy lives here. I…" I was babbling now. I didn't want to have this conversation. Not now, not with Magnus of all people. However, the look playing on Magnus's face told me I better start feeling like talking because I wasn't going to get out of this.

"Fray, shut up," he talked over me.

I snapped my mouth shut with a flourish. I gapped at him. "Shut up? Did you just tell me to shut up?" I began angrily.

"Yes I did and I suggest you comply. You're stalling but you know this is something we need to discuss. The little demon is something special and you know it."

"Seriously? The only thing special about that chili was probably the food poison someone put in it."  
"Clary," he gave me a sharp look. I ground my teeth.

"Well this little demon you may be referring to is as far from demonic as possible.

That smirk of his makes a reappearance, as the chili wishes to do so in this moment. "Ah, I was aware."

All I could do was stare at the warlock, not being able to bring myself to speak another word of this subject. My jaw was locked tight.

My little secret.

"We are going to discuss this Fray," Magnus said pointedly and exasperated, flinging his arms in that sassy manner of his. "Don't think you're going to get out of this," his voice lacks all sympathy.

My mouth still remained clenched, my eyes desperately trying to speak to him through their contact. Wide, green, and panicked.

Watering.

The tears began to pour down my face, sniffles and gasps escaping through the fingers I had buried my face in out of utter embarrassment. How had I become so sensitive? I felt like I had become a big crybaby and I hated it.

Magnus tugs my arms away from my face and instead of seeing the seemingly always-present smirk, I saw compassion. "Look Clary, I can't say I know what you're going through and I probably never will, but I'm here to help you. Whatever happens, however that baby effects you, I will help you through it."

I look up into his eyes and I see honesty. Magnus and I had never been super close. Sure he had helped me out multiple times before. Always there when us Shadowhunters needed something a little magical, but at this moment, I felt somehow closer to him. In a way, I think he understood. He was a warlock, he had been on this planet for longer then I could guess. He must have seen so many mothers, so many children. I wonder if he had ever yearned for a child himself. His eyes seemed to say that he just might have.

Magnus uses his long, delicate fingers to brush the tears off my cheeks. "Sh, stop. We don't need any of that," he chides as more sobs erupt from my frail body. When the whimpers continued their off-key melody, he slowly draped a stick-thin arm over his shoulder and awkwardly pulled me to him.

The poor guy was struggling to help the cranky pregnant lady. Typical.

"Have you told anyone?" He questions with sincerity. I shake my head forcefully. He nods calmly in return.

"Please don't tell the others," I plead in a whisper.

"I won't," he promises, shaking his head in response. I let go of the air I trapped inside me, allowing myself to relax. "But you're going to have to."

I shake my head violently, shooting up in my seat. He looks at me with pity.

"No," I gasp, the tears began to spill over once again, "Magnus, I can't."

"Yes you can," He states calmly. I continue to shake my head vigorously in reply.

"Magnus, I cant," I repeat, "You don't understand." He looks at me for an explanation.

"I'm freaking eighteen," I sob, "I had a future all laid out in front of me, and this little slip up is ruining it all. What're they going to think? My mom, Luke, and the others? I don't want to be frowned upon; I don't want people's opinions about me to turn to something negative. And God, I can't tell Jace. I don't even think he wants a baby, it was never brought into discussion because I never thought it would be a problem until a couple more years. I don't want him to leave me because of this."

I take a deep breath before continuing, "And this thing isn't normal, Magnus. It's more heavenly than any other Shadowhunter, more than Jace and I. How is it going to affect everything? My relationships with others? All Shadowhunters in general? How is it going to affect me and my body? It would just be better if it was gone…"

"Clary, I know you wouldn't do that," Magnus interrupts. I sob harder.

"It's just I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just feel so alone in this. I'm trying to hard to keep this all locked in and act like the Clary everyone knows but its just so damn hard. And I'm so scared." I close my eyes and sniffle.

"I can't tell anyone because I don't want to see everything I have crumple before me," I wipe my eyes, "I just can't deal with this thing or anyone else right now. I just want everything to go back to normal."

"We both know nothing was ever normal," he smiles softly, "but you're going to get through this. You are the little girl who stopped two big wars, I think you can face a baby."

I smile softly in return, trying to show him how grateful I am for what he's trying to do, but I still feel sick to my stomach… like really sick. I stand quickly, running to the trashcan. Part of my brain thanked the angels that Magnus's spell was gone. Before I knew it, the chili had made it's reappearance. Magnus came and stood by me, holding my hair back.

Chuckling, he teased, "So I think the first order of business is establishing a rule. No chili while pregnant." He took one of the hairbands from my wrist and tied my hair above my head, pulling it from my face.

"Wow Magnus, do you want to adopt my child? I bet you'd be better at this whole mother thing then I am."

"Oh I know, because I always have to clean up after you children all the time."

I left the infirmary with Magnus, feeling slightly less lonely.


End file.
